REL 200 - The Eternal Family

Readings:

The Family: A Proclamation to the World
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Elder Richard G. Scott  #1
Purposes of Intimacy in Marriage
Conference Report, October 1994

Within the enduring covenant of marriage, the Lord permits husband and wife the expression of the sacred procreative powers in all their loveliness and beauty within the bounds He has set.  One purpose of this private, sacred, intimate experience is to provide the physical bodies for the spirits Father in Heaven wants to experience mortality.  Another reason for these powerful and beautiful feelings of love is to bind husband and wife together in loyalty, fidelity, consideration of each other, and common purpose.

Any sexual intimacy outside of the bonds of marriage--I mean any intentional contact with the sacred, private parts of another’s body, with or without clothing--is a sin and is forbidden by God. It is also a transgression to intentionally stimulate these emotions within your own body. ... [Remember] that true love elevates, protects, respects, and enriches another.

The sexual drives that bind men and women together as one are good and necessary. They make it possible for a couple to leave their parents and cleave unto one another. But here, more than almost any other place, we must exercise self-control. These drives, which are the fountainhead of human life, are to be allowed expression only in the sanctity of marriage.

In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love.  ...  The sexual relationship that is wrong before marriage is right and beautiful as part of the union encouraged by God.

What is love? Many people think of it as mere physical attraction and they casually speak of "falling in love" and "love at first sight." This may be Hollywood's version and the interpretation of those who write love songs and love fiction. True love is not wrapped in such flimsy material. One might become immediately attracted to another individual, but love is far more than physical attraction. It is deep, inclusive and comprehensive. Physical attraction is only one of the many elements, but there must be faith and confidence and understanding and partnership. There must be common ideals and standards. There must be a great devotion and companionship. Love is cleanliness and progress and sacrifice and selflessness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes, but lives through sickness and sorrow, poverty and privation, accomplishment and disappointment, time and eternity. For the love to continue, there must be an increase constantly of confidence and understanding, of frequent and sincere expression of appreciation and affection. There must be a forgetting of self and a constant concern for the other. Interests, hopes, objectives must be constantly focused into a single channel.

For many years, I saw a strong man carry his tiny, emaciated, arthritic wife to meetings and wherever she could go. There could be no sexual expression. Here was selfless indication of affection. I think that is pure love. I saw a kindly woman wait on her husband for many years as he deteriorated with muscular dystrophy. She waited on him hand and foot, night and day, when all he could do was to blink his eyes in thanks. I believe that was love.

I knew a woman who carried her little unfortunate child until the body was too heavy to carry, and then she pushed her in a wheel chair for the following years until her death. The deprived child could never express an appreciation. It seems to me that that was love. Another mother visited regularly her son who was in the penitentiary. She could receive nothing from him. She gave much, all she had.

If anyone feels that petting or other deviations are demonstrations of love, let him ask himself: "If this beautiful body which I have misused suddenly became deformed, or paralyzed, would my reactions be the same ? If this lovely face were scarred by flames, or this body which I have used suddenly became rigid, or this keen mind which I have enjoyed were suddenly to become blank, would I be such an ardent lover? If senility or any of its approaches suddenly fell upon my sweetheart, what would my attitudes be?" Answers to these questions might test one to see if he really is in love or if it is only physical attraction which encouraged the improper physical contacts. The young man who protects his sweetheart against all use or abuse, against insult and infamy from himself or others, could be expressing true love.

But the young man who uses his companion as a biological toy to give himself temporary satisfaction--that is lust, and is at the other end of the spectrum from love. A young woman conducts herself to be attractive spiritually, mentally and physically but will not by word nor dress nor act stir nor stimulate to physical reactions the companion beside her. That could be true love. That young woman who must touch and stir and fondle and tempt and use knows not love. That is lust and exploitation.

All beings who have bodies have power over those who have not. The devil has no power over us only as we permit him. The moment we revolt at anything which comes from God, the devil takes power. ...

We came to this earth that we might have a body and present it pure before God in the celestial kingdom. The great principle of happiness consists in having a body. The devil has no body, and herein is his punishment. He is pleased when he can obtain the tabernacle of man, and when cast out by the Savior he asked to go into the herd of swine, showing that he would prefer a swine's body to having none.

The First Presidency: Pres. Heber J. Grant, J. Reuben Clark, David O. McKay
A Warning Against Unchastity
Conference Report, October 1942, pp.11-12

By virtue of the authority in us vested as the First Presidency of the Church, we warn our people ... of the degradation, the wickedness, the punishment that attend upon unchastity; we urge you to remember the blessings which flow from the living of the clean life; we call upon you to keep, day in and day out, the way of strictest chastity, through which only can God's choice gifts come to you and His Spirit abide with you.

How glorious is he who lives the chaste life. He walks unfearful in the full glare of the noonday sun, for he is without moral infirmity. He can be reached by no shafts of base calumny, for his armor is without flaw. His virtue cannot be challenged by any just accuser, for he lives above reproach. His cheek is never blotched with shame, for he is without hidden sin. He is honored and respected by all mankind, for he is beyond their censure. He is loved by the Lord, for he stands without blemish. The exaltations of eternities await his coming.

Now, in a spirit of sympathy and love, I speak to you who may be struggling against temptations for which there is no moral expression. Some have resisted temptation but never seem to be free from it.  Do not yield!  Cultivate the spiritual strength to resist—all of your life, if need be.

Some are tortured by thoughts of covenants already forsaken and sometimes think of suicide. Suicide is no solution at all. Do not even think of it. The very fact that you are so disturbed marks you as a spiritually sensitive soul for whom there is great hope.

You may wonder why God does not seem to hear your pleading prayers and erase these temptations. When you know the gospel plan, you will understand that the conditions of our mortal probation require that we be left to choose. That test is the purpose of life. While these addictions may have devoured, for a time, your sense of morality or quenched the spirit within you, it is never too late.

You may not be able, simply by choice, to free yourself at once from unworthy feelings. You can choose to give up the immoral expression of them.

The suffering you endure from resisting or from leaving a life-style of addiction or perversion is not a hundredth part of that suffered by your parents, your spouse or your children, if you give up. Theirs is an innocent suffering because they love you. To keep resisting or to withdraw from such a life-style is an act of genuine unselfishness, a sacrifice you place on the altar of obedience. It will bring enormous spiritual rewards.

Remember that agency, that freedom of choice that you demanded when you forsook your covenants? That same agency can now be drawn upon to exert a great spiritual power of redemption.

The love we offer may be a tough love, but it is of the purest kind; and we have more to offer than our love.  We can teach you of the cleansing power of repentance. If covenants have been broken, however hard it may be, they may be reinstated, and you can be forgiven. Even for abortion? Yes, even that!

There are many tragedies affecting spouses, children, and loved ones. Even though these "affairs" begin near-innocently, like an octopus the tentacles move gradually to strangle.

When dates or dinners or rides or other contacts begin, the abyss of tragedy opens wide its mouth. And it has reached deep iniquity when physical contacts of any nature have been indulged in.

Many women also justify themselves in irregularities; they often invite men to sensual desire by their immodest clothes, loose actions and mannerisms, their coy glances, their extreme make-up, and by their flattery.

Parents who hold, direct, and dictate to their married children and draw them away from their spouses are likely to regret the possible tragedy. Accordingly, when two people marry, the spouse should become the confidant, the friend, the sharer of responsibility, and they two become independent. No one should come between the husband and wife, not even parents.

To those who claim their love is dead, let them return home with all their loyalty, fidelity, honor, and cleanness, and the love that has become but embers will flare up with scintillating flame again. If love wanes or dies, it is often infidelity of thought or act that gave the lethal potion.

... light regard for marriage and becoming too familiar with someone other than one's marriage partner are dangerous waystations on the road to disaffection and infidelity.

A man who has entered into a sacred covenant in the house of the Lord to remain true to the marriage vow is a traitor to that covenant if he separates himself from his wife and family just because he has permitted himself to become infatuated with the pretty face and comely form of some young girl who flattered him with a smile. ...

[We] are to ... warn these men ... who, after having lived with their wives and brought into this world four and five and six children, get tired of them and seek a divorce, that they are on the road to hell. It is unfair to a woman to leave her that way, merely because the man happens to fall in love with some younger woman and feels that the wife is not so beautiful or attractive as she used to be.  Warn him!  Nothing but unhappiness for him and injustice to those children can result.

Home-breaking is sin, and any thought, act or association that will tend to destroy another's home is a grievous transgression.

A certain young woman was single and therefore free to properly seek a mate, but she gave attention to and received attention from a married man. She was in transgression. She argued that his marriage was "already on the rocks" and that the wife of her new boyfriend did not understand him and that he was most unhappy at home and did not love his wife. Regardless of the state of the married man, the young woman was in serious error to comfort him, listen to his disloyal castigation of his wife, and entertain him. The man was in deep sin. He was disloyal and unfaithful. So long as he is married to a woman, he is duty bound to protect her and defend her, and the same responsibility is with his wife.

No matter how bitter were their differences, neither had any right to begin courting or looking about for friends. Any dating or such association by wedded people outside the marriage is iniquitous. Even though they proceeded with the divorce suit, to be moral and honorable they must wait until the divorce is final before either is justified in developing new romances.

So long as the marriage covenant has not been legally severed, neither spouse morally may seek new romance or open the heart to other people. After the divorce becomes final, both freed individuals may engage in proper courting activities.

There are those who look with longing eyes, who want and desire and crave these romantic associations. To so desire to possess, to inordinately want and yearn for such, is to covet, and the Lord in powerful terms condemns it: "And again I command thee that thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife; nor seek thy neighbor's life." (D&C 19:25.)

4) What is the limit for sexual contact before marriage? How far can one go with a boyfriend or girlfriend? (Elder Richard G. Scott #2)

5) What can a person do when he/she is unable to get rid of unworthy feelings?  (Elder Boyd K. Packer)