Contents:

Pres. Joseph F. Smith
The Sacred and Eternal Character of the Institution of Marriage
Gospel Doctrine, p. 272
 

I want the young men of Zion to realize that this institution of marriage is not a man-made institution. It is of God. It is honorable, and no man who is of marriageable age is living his religion who remains single. It is not simply devised for the convenience alone of man, to suit his own notions, and his own ideas; to marry and then divorce, to adopt and then to discard, just as he pleases. There are great consequences connected with it, consequences which reach beyond this present time, into all eternity, for thereby souls are begotten into the world, and men and women obtain their being in the world.

Marriage is the preserver of the human race. Without it, the purposes of God would be frustrated; virtue would be destroyed to give place to vice and corruption, and the earth would be void and empty.

Neither are the relationships that exist, or should exist, between parents and children, and between children and parents, of an ephemeral nature, nor of a temporal character. They are of eternal consequence, reaching beyond the veil ...

The man and the woman who engage in this ordinance of matrimony are engaging in something that is of such far-reaching character, and is of such vast importance, that thereby hangs life and death, and eternal increase. Thereupon depends eternal happiness, or eternal misery.

For this reason, God has guarded this sacred institution by the most severe penalties, and has declared that whosoever is untrue to the marriage relation, whosoever is guilty of adultery, shall be put to death. This is scriptural law, though it is not practiced today, because modern civilization does not recognize the laws of God in relation to the moral status of mankind. ... The law of God as to violation of the marriage covenant is just as strict, and is on a parallel with law against murder notwithstanding the former is not carried out.

Pres. Joseph Fielding Smith
The Choice of a Spouse Must Be Carefully Considered
Doctrines of Salvation, Vol. 2,  pp. 78-79
 

This life is short, and eternity is long. When we contemplate that the marriage covenant will endure forever, it is well that it should be given careful consideration. Hasty action in this most important step in life may fill the mortal lives of husband, wife, and children with endless sorrow. The results may and often do reach into eternity and cause irreparable regrets that will endure forever. Marriage, from the viewpoint of the Latter-day Saint, is the one thing in life where it might prove fatal to act in haste with the idea in mind that repentance could come at leisure.

The proper advice to our youth is to consider carefully with the view of choosing well a companion with an abiding faith in the gospel. Such a person is more likely to prove true to every vow and covenant. When the young man and the young woman are thoroughly grounded in the divine mission of our Lord and believe the gospel as revealed through Joseph Smith, the Prophet, the chances are all in favor of a happy union that will endure forever.

Elder Bruce C. Hafen
Counsels for Dating
"The Gospel and Romantic Love," Ensign, Oct. 1982, pp.64-67

[Be] friends first and sweethearts second. Relationships between young men and young women should be built like a pyramid. The base of the pyramid is friendship. And the ascending layers are built of things like time, understanding, respect, and restraint. Right at the top of the pyramid is a glittering little mystery called romance. ... you don’t have to be very smart to know that a pyramid won’t stand up very long if you stand it on its point and expect the point to hold up everything else. In other words, be friends first and sweethearts later, not the other way around. Otherwise, people who think they are sweethearts may discover they can’t be very good friends, and by then it may be too late.

... Don’t date someone you already know you would not ever want to marry. If you fall in love with someone you should not marry, you can’t expect the Lord to guide you away from that person after you are already emotionally committed. It is difficult enough to tune your spiritual receiver to the whisperings of heaven without jamming up the channel with the loud thunder of romantic emotion. ...

[Avoid] the habit of feeling sorry for yourself, and don’t worry excessively about those times when you feel socially unsuccessful. Everybody in the world doesn’t have to fall in love with you and marry you--it only takes one.

... The opportunities for developing friendships ... with members of the opposite sex are ... plentiful at a college. ... In approaching these opportunities, remember: "Worry not that you are not well known. Seek to be worth knowing."

How do you choose a wife? I've heard a lot of young people from Brigham Young University and elsewhere say, "I've got to get a feeling of inspiration. I've got to get some revelation. I've got to fast and pray and get the Lord to manifest to me whom I should marry." Well, maybe it will be a little shock to you, but never in my life did I ever ask the Lord whom I ought to marry. It never occurred to me to ask him. I went out and found the girl I wanted; she suited me; I evaluated and weighed the proposition, and it just seemed a hundred percent to me as though this ought to be. Now, if I'd done things perfectly, I'd have done some counseling with the Lord, which I didn't do; but all I did was pray to the Lord and ask for some guidance and direction in connection with the decision that I'd reached. A more perfect thing to have done would have been to counsel with him relative to the decision and get a spiritual confirmation that the conclusion, which I by my agency and faculties had arrived at, was the right one.

I have heard of cases where a young man told a young woman she should marry him because he had received a revelation that she was to be his eternal companion. If this is a true revelation, it will be confirmed directly to the woman if she seeks to know. In the meantime, she is under no obligation to heed it. She should seek her own guidance and make up her own mind. The man can receive revelation to guide his own actions, but he cannot properly receive revelation to direct hers. She is outside his stewardship.

The Spirit of the Lord is not likely to give us revelations on matters that are trivial. I once heard a young woman in a testimony meeting praise the spirituality of her husband, indicating that he submitted every question to the Lord. She told how he accompanied her shopping and would not even choose between different brands of canned vegetables without making his selection a matter of prayer. That strikes me as improper. I believe the Lord expects us to use the intelligence and experience he has given us to make these kinds of choices. ...

I suggest that there is not a right and wrong to every question. To many questions, there are only two wrong answers or two right answers. Thus, a person who seeks guidance on which of two different ways he should pursue to get even with a person who has wronged him is not likely to receive a revelation. Neither is a person who seeks guidance on a choice he will never have to make because some future event will intervene, such as a third alternative that is clearly preferable ... No answer is likely to come to a person who seeks guidance in choosing between two alternatives that are equally acceptable to the Lord. Thus, there are times when we can serve productively in two different fields of labor. Either answer is right.

Possible Scenarios Under the
New and Everlasting Covenant of Marriage (D&C 132)

        Scenario #1:
         Righteous couple, married "till death do us part"
         but not married by the Lord's word, i.e. the NECM (D&C 132:15-17)

• Such marriage is not recognized in eternity; the parties will become separate and forever single after this life
• Parties in the earthly marriage relationship cannot be "enlarged" (Abraham 3:26)
• They are saved, but not exalted; by definition, they don't have eternal life (D&C 131:4; 132:22)
• They become angels--ministering servants for exalted beings

        Scenario #2:
        Somewhat righteous couple, married for time and eternity
        but without ratifying seal of the Holy Ghost (D&C 132:18)

• The marriage relationship becomes void in the next world--probably because these individuals were not valiant in their testimonies, or in other words, they never lived the high standards required by this order of the priesthood (D&C 76:79)

        Scenario #3:
        Righteous couple, married by the Lord's word
        and ratified by the Holy Ghost (D&C 132:19-20)

• Marriage is recognized in eternity; parties in the relationship on earth will still be together as a couple in the celestial kingdom
• They become exalted beings-gods--inheriting "thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths"
• All things will be subject to them (see also D&C 76:58-60)

        Scenario #4:
        Unrighteous couple, married by the Lord's word
        and previously ratified by the Holy Ghost (D&C 132:26)

• Marriage is recognized in eternity; parties in the relationship will still be together as a couple in the celestial kingdom
• However, because of their serious wickedness in mortality first they will be "destroyed in the flesh" and be subjected to the "buffetings of Satan" until full repentance is achieved

Elder Parley P. Pratt
The Purpose of Intimacy in Marriage
Key to the Science of Theology, Ch. 17,  pp. 169-170
 

The object of the Union of the sexes is the propagation of their species, or procreation; also for mutual affection, and the cultivation of those eternal principles of never ending charity and benevolence, which are inspired by the Eternal Spirit; also for mutual comfort and assistance in this world of toil and sorrow, and for mutual duties toward their offspring.

Marriage, and its duties, are therefore, not a mere matter of choice or convenience, or of pleasure to the parties; but to marry and multiply is a positive command of Almighty God, binding on all persons of both sexes who are circumstanced and conditioned to fulfill the same. To marry, propagate our species, do our duty to them, and to educate them in the light of truth, are among the chief objects of our existence on the earth. To neglect these duties, is to fail to answer the end of our creation, and is a very great sin.

While to pervert our natures, and to prostitute ourselves and our strength to mere pleasures, or to unlawful communion of the sexes, is alike subversive of health, of pure, holy and lasting affection; of moral and social order; and of the laws of God and nature. ... [There] is scarcely a more damning sin on the earth than the prostitution of female virtue or chastity at the shrine of pleasure, or brutal lust; or that promiscuous and lawless intercourse which chills and corrodes the heart, perverts and destroys the pure affections, cankers and destroys, as it were, the well-springs, the fountains, or issues of life.

Pres. Spencer W. Kimball
Sexual Drives are Good and Necessary Within Marriage
My Beloved Sisters, p. 8;  President Kimball Speaks Out, pp. 6,9-10

The sexual drives that bind men and women together as one are good and necessary. They make it possible for a couple to leave their parents and cleave unto one another. But here, more than almost any other place, we must exercise self-control. These drives, which are the fountainhead of human life, are to be allowed expression only in the sanctity of marriage.

In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love.  ...  The sexual relationship that is wrong before marriage is right and beautiful as part of the union encouraged by God.

But there are false teachers everywhere, using speech and pornographic literature, magazines, radio, TV, street talk-- spreading damnable heresies which break down moral standards, and this to gratify the lust of the flesh.

Thousands of young people come to the marriage altar almost illiterate insofar as this basic and fundamental function is concerned. The sex instinct is not something which we need to fear or be ashamed of. It is God-given and has a high and holy purpose.

Sex is not an unmentionable human misfortune, and certainly it should not be regarded as a sordid but necessary part of marriage. There is no excuse for approaching this most intimate relationship in life without true knowledge of its meaning and its high purpose. This is an urge which more insistently than others calls for self-control and intelligence.

 
A man who obeys the ordinances of God, and is without blemish or deformity, who has sound health and mature age, and enjoys liberty and access to the elements of life, is designed to be the head of a woman, a father, and a guide of the weaker sex, and of those of tender age, to mansions of eternal life and salvation.

A woman, under similar circumstances, is designed to be the glory of some man in the Lord; to be led and governed by him as her head in all things, even as Christ is the head of the man; to honor, obey, love, serve, comfort and help him in all things; to be a happy wife, and, if blessed with offspring, a faithful and affectionate mother, devoting her life to the joys, cares and duties of her domestic sphere. ...

The eternal union of the sexes, in and after the resurrection, is mainly for the purpose of renewing and continuing the work of procreation. In our present or rudimental state, our offspring are in our own image, and partake of our natures, in which are the seeds of death. In like manner, will the offspring of immortal and celestial beings, be in the likeness and partake of the nature of their divine parentage. Hence, such offspring will be pure, holy, incorruptible and eternal. They will in no wise be subject unto death, except by descending to partake of the grosser elements, in which are the inherent properties of dissolution or death.

Elder Parley P. Pratt
Visualizing Life in the Celestial Glory
Key to the Science of Theology, Ch. 17,  pp. 164-167
 

Let the candidate for celestial glory forget, for a moment, ... his present existence, and make the effort to contemplate himself ... in the higher spheres ... beyond the grave -- a pure spirit, free from sin and guile, enlightened in the school of heaven by observation, experience, and association with the highest order of intelligences for thousands of years; and clothed with immortal flesh, in all the vigor, freshness and beauty of eternal youth; free alike from pain, disease, death, and the corroding effects of time; ... contemplating ... his passage through the dark valley of death, and his sojourn in the spirit world, as we now contemplate a transient dream, ... from which we have awakened, renewed and refreshed, to enter again upon the realities or life.

Let us contemplate, for a moment, such a being, clothed in the finest robes of linen, pure and white, adorned with precious stones and gold; a countenance radiant with the effulgence of light, intelligence and love; a bosom glowing with all the confidence of conscious innocence, dwelling in palaces of precious stones and gold; bathing in the crystal waters of life; ... sitting [beneath] the evergreen bowers and trees of Eden; inhaling the healthful breezes, perfumed with odor, wafted from the roses and pinks of paradise, or assembled with the countless myriads of heaven's nobility, to join in songs of praise and adoration to the Great Parent of every good, ... or move with grace immortal to the soul-inspiring measure of music flowing from a thousand instruments, blending, in harmonious numbers, with celestial voices, in heavenly song ...

O candidates for celestial glory! Would your joys be full in the countless years of eternity without forming the connections, the relationship, the kindred ties which concentrate in the domestic circle ...? Would that eternal emotion of charity and benevolence which swells your bosoms be satisfied to enjoy in "single blessedness," without an increase of posterity, those exhaustless stores of never ending riches and enjoyments? Or, would you, like your heavenly Father, prompted by eternal benevolence and charity, wish to fill countless millions of worlds, with your begotten sons and daughters, and to bring them through all the gradations of progressive being, to inherit immortal bodies and eternal mansions in your several dominions?

If such be your aspirations, remember that this present probation is the world of preparation for joys eternal. This is the place where family organization is first formed for eternity; and where the kindred sympathies, relationships and affections take root spring forth, shoot upward, bud, blossom and bear fruit to ripen and mature in eternal ages.

Here, in the holy temples and sanctuaries of our God, must the everlasting covenants be revealed, ratified, sealed, bound and recorded in the holy records, and guarded and preserved in the archives of God's Kingdom, by those who hold the keys of eternal Apostleship, who have power to bind on earth that which shall be bound in heaven, and to record on earth that which shall be recorded in the archives of heaven, in the Lamb's book of life.

Pres. Joseph Fielding Smith
Single Sisters Will Receive All Blessings
Doctrines of Salvation, Vol.2, p.76-77

 
You good sisters, who are single and alone, do not fear, do not feel that blessings are going to be withheld from you. You are not under any obligation or necessity of accepting some proposal that comes to you which is distasteful for fear you will come under condemnation. If in your hearts you feel that the gospel is true, and would under proper conditions receive these ordinances and sealing blessings in the temple of the Lord; and that is your faith and your hope and your desire, and that does not come to you now; the Lord will make it up, and you shall be blessed--for no blessing shall be withheld.

No woman will be condemned by the Lord for refusing to accept a proposal which she feels she could not properly accept. In my judgment it is far better for our good girls to refuse an offer of marriage when they think that the companionship of the man would be disagreeable, or if he is one they do not and believe they cannot learn to love.

My advice is to our girls, if you cannot find a husband who would be true to his religion and have faith in the gospel of our Lord, it is better to abide in "single blessedness." It is better to suffer some denial in mortal life and receive life everlasting than to lose your salvation in the kingdom of God. Remember the Lord will make up to you in joy and eternal union more than you have temporarily lost if you will be true and faithful. "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men [and women] most miserable."

President Ezra Taft Benson
Words of Counsel to Those Waiting for the "Right" Person
(Note: Although addressed to the single women of the Church, these
wise words are for the most part equally applicable to single men)
Ensign, November 1988, p.96

... [Never] lose sight of this sacred goal.  Prayerfully prepare for it and live for it. ...  Therefore, don't trifle away your happiness by involvement with someone who cannot take you worthily to the temple.  Make a decision now that this is the place where you will marry.  To leave that decision until a romantic involvement develops is to take a risk the importance of which you cannot now fully calculate.

And remember, you are not required to lower your standards in order to get a mate.  Keep yourselves attractive, maintain high standards, maintain your self-respect.  Do not engage in intimacies that bring heartache and sorrow.  Place yourselves in a position to meet worthy men and be engaged in constructive activities.

But also, do not expect perfection in your choice of a mate.  Do not be so concerned about his physical appearance and his bank account that you overlook his more important qualities.  Of course, he should be attractive to you, and he should be able to financially provide for you.  But, does he have a strong testimony? Does he live the principles of the gospel and magnify his priesthood?  Is he active in his ward and stake?  Does he love home and family, and will he be a faithful husband and a good father?  These are qualities that really matter.

And I would also caution you single sisters not to become so independent and self-reliant that you decide marriage isn't worth it and you can do just as well on your own.  Some of our sisters indicate that they do not want to consider marriage until after they have completed their degrees or pursued a career.  This is not right. Certainly we want our single sisters to maximize their individual potential, to be well educated, and to do well at their present employment.  You have much to contribute to society, to your community, and to your neighborhood.  But we earnestly pray that our single sisters will desire honorable marriage in the temple to a worthy man and rear a righteous family, even though this may mean the sacrificing of degrees and careers.  Our priorities are right when we realize there is no higher calling than to be an honorable wife and mother.

I also recognize that not all women in the Church will have an opportunity for marriage and motherhood in mortality.  But if those of you in this situation are worthy and endure faithfully, you can be assured of all blessings from a kind and loving Heavenly Father--and I emphasize all blessings.

I assure you that if you have to wait even until the next life to be blessed with a choice companion, God will surely compensate you.  Time is numbered only to man. God has your eternal perspective in mind. ...

Now, to all ... regardless of your present situations:

Be faithful.  Keep the commandments.  Establish a deep and abiding relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. Know that He is there--always there.  Reach out to Him.  He does answer prayers.  He does bring peace.  He does give hope.  In the words of the Psalmist: "He is my refuge and my fortress: . . . in him will I trust." (Psalms 91:2)  Study carefully the life of the Savior.  He is our great exemplar.

Make the scriptures your constant companion.  Read daily from the Book of Mormon and receive of its strength and spiritual power.

Realize your personal self-worth.  Never demean yourself.  Realize the strength of your inner self and that, with God's help, you "can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth [you]." (Philippians 4:1)  Life does not begin only upon marriage.  There are important things for you to do right now.

Pres. Spencer W. Kimball
Forms and Shadows of Infidelity
Faith Precedes the Miracle, p. 146

There are many tragedies affecting spouses, children, and loved ones. Even though these "affairs" begin near-innocently, like an octopus the tentacles move gradually to strangle.

When dates or dinners or rides or other contacts begin, the abyss of tragedy opens wide its mouth. And it has reached deep iniquity when physical contacts of any nature have been indulged in.

Many women also justify themselves in irregularities; they often invite men to sensual desire by their immodest clothes, loose actions and mannerisms, their coy glances, their extreme make-up, and by their flattery.

Parents who hold, direct, and dictate to their married children and draw them away from their spouses are likely to regret the possible tragedy. Accordingly, when two people marry, the spouse should become the confidant, the friend, the sharer of responsibility, and they two become independent. No one should come between the husband and wife, not even parents.

To those who claim their love is dead, let them return home with all their loyalty, fidelity, honor, and cleanness, and the love that has become but embers will flare up with scintillating flame again. If love wanes or dies, it is often infidelity of thought or act that gave the lethal potion.

... light regard for marriage and becoming too familiar with someone other than one's marriage partner are dangerous waystations on the road to disaffection and infidelity.

Pres. Spencer W. Kimball
No Romance Outside of Marriage
Faith Precedes the Miracle, p. 144

Home-breaking is sin, and any thought, act or association that will tend to destroy another's home is a grievous transgression.

A certain young woman was single and therefore free to properly seek a mate, but she gave attention to and received attention from a married man. She was in transgression. She argued that his marriage was "already on the rocks" and that the wife of her new boy friend did not understand him and that he was most unhappy at home and did not love his wife. Regardless of the state of the married man, the young woman was in serious error to comfort him, listen to his disloyal castigation of his wife, and entertain him. The man was in deep sin. He was disloyal and unfaithful. So long as he is married to a woman, he is duty bound to protect her and defend her, and the same responsibility is with his wife.

No matter how bitter were their differences, neither had any right to begin courting or looking about for friends. Any dating or such association by wedded people outside the marriage is iniquitous. Even though they proceeded with the divorce suit, to be moral and honorable they must wait until the divorce is final before either is justified in developing new romances.

So long as the marriage covenant has not been legally severed, neither spouse morally may seek new romance or open the heart to other people. After the divorce becomes final, both freed individuals may engage in proper courting activities.

There are those who look with longing eyes, who want and desire and crave these romantic associations. To so desire to possess, to inordinately want and yearn for such, is to covet, and the Lord in powerful terms condemns it: "And again I command thee that thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife; nor seek thy neighbor's life." (D&C 19:25.)

This web page was published only as a support for classroom discussion.
For more information, contact Dr. Marcus Martins at: MartinsM@byuh.edu